Who’s The Boss?

Week 2 in Series Feeding Your Family

In the words of Ellyn Satter, “Children want to eat. They can’t help it. They are in the business of growing up.” What determines if they develop a healthful and balanced relationship with food hinges on how we, as parents, relate to the food we provide.

So even though at some meals it can EASILY feel like your kids are in charge…you are the real GATEKEEPER!

It’s true. You get to decide which foods will come into the house, which foods will be on the table at meals and snacks, and how the food is going to be prepared.

They are in charge to a degree. They get the choice of which foods they want to eat on their plate and whether or not they want to eat it at all.

This division of responsibility (created by Ellyn Satter) is an absolutely proven method for the past 40 years. It is so solid that the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Dietetic Association have embraced it with open arms.

What does this mean for you as a loving and caring parent? Essentially, your role is to designate set meal times through-out the day. Provide balance and variety in the food choices offered to your family. Provide a quiet and pleasant atmosphere to enjoy the meal. Then leave the rest up to your kids. End of story.

 

End of story =

*no bribing your kids to try, to eat, or to taste anything on their plate

*no discussions about what is left or not left on the plate

*no rewarding children with desserts for skinned knees, eating all of their meal, etc.

*only offering water between set meal and snack times

*No more food battles, power struggles, guessing who is in charge of what


Of course when this new routine is implemented there will be resistance. Just like you might be feeling while reading this: “How is that going to work? I don’t know if I can do this?”

First thing to know, your child will not starve. No matter how picky they are, they will eventually eat. Usually by the next day because like I quoted before: “They can’t help it. They are in the business of growing up.”

Benefits of a Positive Feeding Relationship:

1.      Your child will trust his/her personal hunger cues

2.      Grow predictably

3.      Learn to try new foods all on their own, without your coersion

4.      Have less risk of developing disordered eating patterns (ie emotional eating, eating disorders, using food as a coping mechanism)

5.      Because of the autonomy to take care of such an natural, basic need, they will have increased levels of confidence that you will see transfer to many areas of their lives (such as self-esteem, learning competencies, social awareness).

Getting Started

Step 1 begins with setting the meal times and sticking to them regardless of what your day may look like, what errands needs to be run, what mood you or your family is in. A rule of thumb for meal times is eating breakfast within one hour of waking up, continuing to eat every 3-4 hours until bed-time. (If dinner is a 5 and your bedtime is at 9pm or later-then include a planned and healthful evening snack suck as a piece of fruit and low fat string cheese.)

Weekly Challenge: Identify your meal times (including snacks). Write them down. Post them up in a HIGHLY visible place. Aim to meet these meal times at least 3-4 times this week.

Feeding Your Family-New Series

Week1 Setting Expectations

Welcome back to the Creating Peace with Food blog. We are launching a new series this week called Feeding Your Family. Regardless of if you have little kids, big kids, a spouse who still acts like a kid, they are your family and it’s important to know how to feed them right!

We are going to go in-depth on several hot topics such as How to Raise Good Eaters-or Re-Raise Good Eaters at Any Age, Handling Picky Situations, What is Normal?!, Dinner Time Shuffles, and much more!

Our first topic…..Setting Expectations

Expectation 1:
Know Your Responsibility. Parents are responsible for the what, when, and where of feeding. Your child (NO MATTER the AGE) is responsible for the how much and whether of eating. (See Ellyn Satter’s article: Division of Responsibilites. We will discuss this in further detail soon. Until then check out this link.

Expectation 2:
Kids have about a 5-10 minute window where they are willing to sit down and eat a meal. So it’s important that you are able to enjoy these brief moments of stillness by being present with them at the table.

You can make this a reality by: Planning your meals ahead of time and have what you need for that meal available to you or your kids before sitting down (such as napkins, bibs, beverages, etc.).  This will limit the number of times you have to leave the table for small trips back to the kitchen.

Expectation 3:
Food preferences vary and if you have toddlers this can vary from breakfast to lunch! It can take 8, 10, 15, or 20+ times of introducing a food before it may even be tasted.  Be patient, have no fret, eventually the asparagus will get eaten.

Expectation 4:
Honor Your Mealtimes. Seems easy enough, but so often we feel rushed, anxious, and full of stress we forget to eat, skip it intentionally because of no time, or pass snacks to the kids while in the car.  Occasionally yes, life happens. However on a daily basis, the consistent neglect of sitting down to eat a meal together is role modeling to our families that meals are not important, eating and enjoying our food is not important, our bodies and health are not important. This is a classic example of “Do what I say, not as I do.” Reverse this by designating set meal times through-out the day for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, & dinner. You may already be following a similar routine without knowing it!

Expectation 5:
Before you help another, you have to help yourself. Do you have a personal struggle with your relationship to food? Maybe it is skipping meals, avoiding certain foods, emotional eating, or finding time to prepare & plan healthful meals at home. Acknowledge your weaknesses and address them. A registered dietitian can help you overcome these issues so that you can lead your whole family to good health.

Weekly Challenge: Read Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibilities. Consider how you can apply these principles into your daily life. Post your insights, questions, concerns, & successes in the comment section. We love to hear from you!!!

The Only Way Around is Through

Week 4 of Emotional Eating Series

This is the final post in our Emotional Eating series. I hope you have been inspired to walk your own path towards overcoming EE once and for all. The last bit we are going to chat about is echoed in Robert Frost’s quote, “The only way around is through.”

This quote could not be more true when it comes to the task of creating peace with our food. It is so easy to grab our favorite comfort foods in those times of need to help make the bad feelings go away.

Does that really help us in the long run-emotionally or physically? Nope. And as you’ve been following each week you may have already experienced this first hand.

Feeling your emotions and allowing them to be felt is an important step in being able to let them go. Maybe this is why some people are afraid of therapy. I have been told by past clients that they felt the goal of their counselor was to make them cry!

Well, no one is trying to make you cry, not even your therapist. However, having to experience the uncomfortable feeling that comes up when you are internally battling with the question: “I really want to eat that but I’m not physically hungry” is inevitable. This is the “going through” part.

This is also where some of the alternative coping skills we talked about last week can come into play. Have you thought much about those new coping strategies this week? If not, that is okay, now is the time to do it.

Some guidelines for getting through that uncomfortable feeling (all contributed by past clients):

1. It will pass…keep telling yourself this one! 
2. Pray about it.
3. Try talking it out with a friend, spouse, or the person who you may be frustrated with (if appropriate.)
4. Be zany-instead of acting out with food, act out by jumping up and down or do some other funky movement that will take you out of your element and force a smile-even if fleeting.
5. Journal about it
6. Check in with yourself: What am I expecting? What do I really need right now?

Do any of these strategies resonate with you? Do you have any ideas that would work better for you than what is listed? Weekly Challenge: Choose one or two to focus on this week as you continue your journey towards creating peace with food. ™

Even though this is the last post for a while focused on emotional eating, you are going to be able to walk away with new insights and determination as you continue to practice these skills. I encourage you to set 1-3 of your own weekly SMART goals, including finding ways to keep your goals in your R.A.S.! Good luck and “see” you next week as we begin a new series on Feeding Your Family.

Reminder Systems and Alternative Coping Strategies

Week 3 in our Emotional Eating Series

Welcome back to Creating Peace with Food ™ Blog.  If you are just joining us please read the previous two posts to get a better sense of where we are starting from today.

Hopefully by now you are feeling more comfortable with the process of “Checking In.” How has this been helpful for you? Were you able to identify at least one new thought (B) that you feel comfortable telling yourself when faced with high stress situations that lead to EE?

The last two weeks have forced you to take a deeper look at how your personal food relationship corresponds to your emotions.  This week I am going to help you transform this information into useful and reliable action steps.

There are 2 acronyms I want to introduce you to: RAS and SMART
S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely): This acronym is a great baseline for setting goals.

R.A.S. (Reticular Activating System): This is the part of our brain that can help us stay alert to specific stimuli. My business coach explained it to me like this: If you just bought a new car, you immediately notice ALL of the same type of cars on the road.

This is invaluable information! This means that we actually have a part of our brain DESIGNED to stay alert to things we consider to be useful. Knowing this allows us to tailor how we choose to meet our personal goals!

So let’s make this more applicable to you! Let’s use your new B (thought/belief) statement that you identified this past week. We’ll start by making it SMART.

Ask yourself: how can I use this statement so that it is specific, measureable, achievable, realistic, and timely?

Here is an example:
Old B: I’m angry at my spouse and the only thing that is going to calm my nerves right now is in the freezer!

New B: I’m angry at my spouse and I really need to calm down. I can do this and I have 3 choices. I can go for a walk, I can write in my journal, or I can pray about it.

SMART goal: I will choose 1 new coping skill to practice each day for the next 3 days.

Having a reminder system in “high risk” places will help you through this process by keeping it in your R.A.S.
One example of this is taping an index card with your goals written on it to the freezer. You very well may see it and choose to continue on to the treat in the freezer, but it will begin to disrupt your usual routine very soon.

How else can you use the reminder system to help you stay accountable to your goals?

Weekly Challenge: Define your own SMART goals for the week (no more than 3 at a time) and set up your own reminder system.  This can be hard to do so please post comments below as we all learn from one another. (You can post anonymously.)

Good luck and “see” you next week!

Plan Your Different Outcome

Week 2 in our Emotional Eating Series

Classic Emotional Eating goes something like this:

A: Life Happens: for example-you have an argument with a family member

B: You have a belief or thought on how to cope with this situation-be it consciously or subconsciously: I’m angry at my spouse and the only thing that is going to calm my nerves right now is in the freezer!

C:  The Outcome: You go to the freezer and eat your favorite treat. As you take the last delicious bite, you realize you’ve eaten more than you wanted. You may feel guilty, sad, or angry at yourself.

If you are serious about putting a stop to EE then it will help you to better understand your conscious or sub-conscious thoughts connecting A and C. This is why I asked you to write down the “WHY” in your EE log last week.

Look back at your EE log now. What did you tell yourself that may explain the connection between a life event and an emotional eating meal?

Congratulations! You’ve just taken the first step towards conquering emotional eating! Awareness.

If you haven’t been able to identify any specific thoughts connecting you’re A and Cs then take this week to re-focus with this new information in mind. When you are ready to move on, come back and pick up where you left off. Feel free to shoot me an email if you need additional guidance at brandi@brandiolden.com.

The next step on your journey to overcoming EE is Determine or Check In. This leads us to your weekly challenge: Checking In!

Routinely Checking In with yourself before, during, or after EE will expedite your journey to a healthy food relationship on so many levels!

Checking In will help you to:
1.    Identify the specific emotion
2.    Recognize your choices
3.    Challenge your B (thought or belief that is linking a specific situation to EE) by helping you create a new    thought or belief about the situation at hand.

For Example:

D: Determining the situation (ie Checking In): How do I feel? What am I truly expecting of myself and of the situation? Is that realistic? What can tell myself the next time I feel this way so that I won’t emotionally eat? What do I need to be successful next time?

Essentially what you are doing here is taking your awareness of your EE situation to the next level.
Your weekly challenge is just that: take it to the next level. Check in with yourself by asking some of the above questions. Write down your responses in your EE log. Come back next week to see how we move even closer to Creating Peace with Food ™.